In the Eye of the Storm

Mediator Bootcamp: Part 1

Have you ever watched two people quarrel or even yell at one another? Perhaps you sometimes want to intervene, but don't always know the best way.

Mediators, of course, have to intervene. It's what our clients expect us to do. Read on for the first in a series of short articles that will show you how mediators intervene and why they so often succeed in resolving even the most bitter and long-standing disputes.

I think it will help you be a better mediator in your own life, whether you're stepping into a conflict around the water cooler, across the kitchen table, or between neighbors on your block. To continue the conversation, post your comments via the Comments link below.

You can begin to sharpen your conflict resolution skills by learning to recognize conflicts by type. Once you know the type of conflict, you'll also know its causes and will then be better able to intervene effectively i.e. apply the right conflict resolution tools for that type of conflict.

Look at the five types in the circle^* below.

RELATIONSHIP CONFLICTS

Relationship conflicts are breaks in our ability to relate to one another. They are usually caused by miscommunication, strong emotions, preconceived opinions (stereotyping), or repetitive negative behavior. When English satirist Tom Brown penned this famous poem in 1680, he was experiencing a relationship conflict:

I do not like thee, Doctor Fell,
The reason why I cannot tell;
But this I know, and know full well,
I do not like thee, Doctor Fell.

DATA CONFLICTS

Data conflicts are quite different. These are caused by a lack of information (e.g. not knowing the market value of a small business), misinformation (e.g. belief in a false rumor about a job applicant), or different ways of looking at the same information (e.g. whether crime statistics indicate a safer or more dangerous neighborhood).

VALUES CONFLICTS

In values conflicts, different ideologies, worldviews, and lifestyles are at the heart of the conflict. Disputes over universal healthcare, withdrawal from Iraq, same-sex marriage, and increasing taxes on tobacco likely stem from a difference in values.

INTEREST CONFLICTS

Interest conflicts are typically about resources — for example, three cities in competition for an urban revitalization grant, or roommates who want to watch different TV shows.

STRUCTURAL CONFLICTS

Structural conflicts are mostly caused by actual or perceived power inequality. Disputes between corporations and labor unions are usually structural. A dispute between a manager and the CEO's admin-istrative assistant might also be structural.

Conflict in the Real World

Disputes in the real world don't always fit so neatly into a single type. That means we need to work a little harder to figure out the causes of a conflict.

Consider this dispute between two parents: Mom favors a private boarding school. Dad wants his child to attend the local public school. They've both compared scholastic achievement data from each school. Their argument is probably fueled by a values conflict, a data conflict, and perhaps a relationship conflict too.

Similarly, an argument between managers over allocation of pay raises to members of their staff might be both a structural and an interest conflict. And a dispute over spousal support may even comprise all five types of conflict: relationship, data, values, structural, and interest.

In the next edition of Wires Crossed we'll begin to look at how to intervene for the five types of conflict. In other words, I'll talk about what mediators actually say or do, and how you can apply those techniques to settle conflicts.

In the meantime, congratulations! You're about to graduate as a cadet from the Mediator Boot Camp. But first, test your knowledge by taking the Mediator Challenge below.

Mediator Challenge

Flex your mediator muscles with this short exercise

Tim and Diane keep getting their wires crossed. Can you match each conflict to the correct type? (Answers below)

1.	Diane invited the guys from her investment club to a New Year's Eve party. Tim fears the worst: a night of dividend forecasts and bond yields!
2.	It's hot, and Diane feels like lemonade. Tim, however, wants to make his specialty lemon cheesecake.
3.	Tim is a convert to the health benefits of organic food. Diane remains skeptical.
4.	Diane doesn't appreciate Tim's ideas on what to do with an inheritance from her grandmother.
5.	Tim can never pass a homeless person without reaching for some loose change. Diane calls him "an enabler."
6.	Tim is ready to refinance his student loans at 5.25%. Diane thinks he can do better.
7.	Diane wants their teenage son to follow his heart and study music. That sounds foolish to Tim, who sees prestige and money in medicine or biotech.
8.	All this arguing has really gotten to Tim. He's constantly snapping at Diane, and she doesn't like it!

Answers: 5=Values; 2=Interest; 6=Data; 7=Values; 4=Structural; 8=Relationship; 1=Relationship; 3=Data

* Adapted from Christopher W. Moore. The Mediation Process. Jossey-Bass. 2003.
  © Christopher W. Moore

 

Getting Creative in Mediation

How One Couple Solved a Nagging Problem

Mediation, unlike therapy or litigation, is a problem-solving process. As such, it's also a place to get creative. Think about the following problem.

Joe and Melinda were getting divorced. Melinda, a school librarian, had always been much more organized. Joe, on the other hand, was more casual. He marched to a different beat. It was a difference in style that had caused a lot of tension during the marriage.

Having worked out a joint custody schedule, they agreed that Melinda would be the primary contact for bills on behalf of the children, including school fees, insurance premiums, and contributions to a 529 college savings plan. She'd keep track of these expenses, and Joe would reimburse her at the end of the month.

But Melinda was worried. She knew she'd have to continually remind Joe about reimbursement, and that would surely undermine their co-parenting relationship.

Joe didn't like the idea of interest charges for late payments. He'd resent paying Melinda punitive "fines." Melinda, meanwhile, didn't want the role of the nagging ex-wife that she would inevitably become if Joe faced no consequences for being late.

Mediation allowed them to reframe their conflicting styles into a common problem: How could they ensure Melinda received timely reimbursement without Joe feeling resentment for the occasional month when he might be late? Here's what they agreed:

If Joe was late, he would pay into the children's college savings fund the larger of $50 or 10% of the overdue amount, up to a maximum of $250. Now, the only beneficiary of a late payment would be the children. And that was an outcome both Joe and Melinda felt good about!

TurboTax for Court Forms

Legal-Ease: Helpful Tips for Navigating the Legal System

Great news for everyone who hates paperwork! The California Supreme Court is rolling out a valuable free service. EZ Legal File (http://www.ezlegalfile.com/) is an inter-active Web-based questionnaire that helps users complete those inscrutable court forms.

By asking you simple questions, EZ Legal File fills out all the paperwork. It's good for small claims, family law, and landlord-tenant eviction cases. Think TurboTax for court forms.

Residents of San Mateo County can even e-file their forms right from their PC. (People in other counties still have to print the forms and file the old-fashioned way - by mail or by visiting the court-house.) Other counties will also soon offer e-filing.

So, three cheers for the California Supreme Court!

EZ Legal File makes our legal system much easier to navigate by empowering people to do their own court paperwork.

Some people will still choose to hire a lawyer to help them with the court forms. But others will now be able to save those fees, paying their lawyer only for personalized legal advice rather than for perfunctory form-filling tasks they can now do themselves with EZ Legal File.